He Gave Me My Mom

It's extremely tricky - being a mother. Going back as far as man can, there has been no shortage of opinions on the do's and don'ts of parenthood, and the internet has only further clouded the role of motherhood. It's nigh impossible to open your facebook these days and not see a link on your feed regarding the proper way to parent your child or children. What always takes me by surprise is how at odds all of these articles and blog posts are. I often read them and spend the day in a state of depression thinking, "I am too hard on my children." Then that night, I'll read another one that leaves me to toss and turn while my head screams, "You're not hard enough on your kids! They're going to grow up to be entitled, narcissistic banes of society!"

Would you agree that the majority of our sex is obsessed with perfection? We demand it of ourselves, and often of our children. Our expectations are unattainbly high. Yet, all of these blog posts and articles read as if we can be perfect if we would just follow their pleas to put down the technology or get out the wooden spoon. This is further exacerbated by the women of my faith. I have found that women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to be extremely hard on themselves - to the point of depression. Why is this?! We should realize better than anyone that nobody is, will be, or can be perfect. That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for our best, but it does mean we should give ourselves a break when our children don't grow up to be POTUS or millionaires, or whatever other aspirations we place on our kids.

There are certain, eternal truths; truths which greatly impact and shape motherhood.

YOU'RE UNIQUE

1)- No one person is the same. Not one. Not ever. Think of that for a minute. Close your eyes if you feel the need to imagine it - think of the stars. How many people have been on this planet? How many will there be in future? Not one of them has been identical to another. Sure, some personalities come closer than others, but everyone is different. There has never been anyone quite like you, and there never will be again. Society doesn't like that. Society likes people to be the same, to conform to a nice, neat, label. Society either labels you, or encourages you to label yourself. We've all seen those "What are you..." quizzes. I love them. I find them entertaining and fun (and often funny) and I'm guilty of wasting time taking them. But, aren't they just another label we try to give ourselves? We spend so much time and effort (sometimes money) to be defined by others. This same drive seeps into motherhood like a cancer. Well-intentioned people write blog posts about moms who are too obsessed with their phones, their social media, their technology in general. Then others write blog posts about "those moms" who enable their children, who spoil them and fail at discipline. It's hard to find any kind of common ground, although common sense dictates that it must surely exist!

WHY ARE YOU A MOM?

2)- Guess what? The majority of moms that I know (and I'm sure you do too) are on common ground. The whole point is that every day is different. Some days I spend too much time on facebook. Others, I go the whole day without turning on my kindle. Some days I go to bed thinking, "I was too hard on the kids tonight." Others I go to bed thinking, "Man...I probably spoiled the kids too much today..." The only consisent parenting questions we should be asking ourselves at the end of the day are: "Did my children go to bed knowing that I love them?" and "Did I meet the needs of my kids today?" As long as those two questions are "yes" then does it really matter how it took to get there? It's the letter of parenting versus the spirit of parenting. Parenting blogs, articles, opinionated moms and the like all get caught up on "there has to be a certain way to do this!" I am guilty of it myself. I have obsessed over "am I doing this right?" Then, after a long week of prayer, inner scrutiny and soul-serching, I had the final ephiphany. The one that makes everything else melt away:

THE PERFECT PARENT

3)- Realize that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of His children intimately and personally. Think again of all those people that have lived, do live, and will live on this planet. You were sent to this earth - at this time - for a reason. You were given these kids for a reason. Of all the possible mothers, he chose me to be Fulton's mom, and Benson's mom, and Brigham's mom (and hopefully more souls to come). I realized that no parenting book, blog or article in the world is going to tell me how to specifically raise Fulton. Or how to deal with Ben's tantrums, or Brigham's blossiming curiosity. He could have given these children to any other mother in the history of the world but He gave them to ME. Why?!?! THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ONLY I CAN OFFER THESE CHILDREN and THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ONLY THEY CAN TEACH ME. It is not an accident. It is grand design. And nothing in the world is going to help me be a parent to my children more than sincere, earnest and heart-felt prayer to the One who knows them best. Sure, I could get general ideas, things that have worked for other mothers and other children, but is that really good enough? I'll say it again, of all the mothers in all the world, He asked you to be a mother to these (insert mental image of your children).

I have decided to put my trust in my God. I am learning how to have faith in Him, that He knows how to help me fulfill what He saw in me from the beginning. So much easier said than done. I know. I totally understand that. And there are still ups and downs. But, I am coming to grips with the fact that I am not a perfect mother. That I will never be a perfect mother in this lifetime. That that is OK. That that is NORMAL!!!!! I'm coming to grips that my children aren't perfect (I mean...I knew that already. Who really believes their children are perfect?!) but I'm also finding comfort in the fact that even though I'm new to all of this, God has been parenting for quite some time, and He knows exactly how to help me raise these sons of mine so that they can fulfill their own roles.

If you have a loved one who has been struggling with the nuances of parenting, be sure to share this link with them. Happy Mother's Day to those who are mothers, who will be Mothers and to those who nurture others by the sheer femininity with which God has blessed them. May we honor our own Mothers this Sunday. As I always say, "I knew God loved me because of he gave me my mom."